TEAM CAPTAIN EXECUTED!

Ballsmania Breaking News . . . At the last minute we have had to pull our first in-depth round-up of the season as our Calverton & Arnold correspondent brings you the following news story hot off the press . . .

I am reporting from the pansy lined cul-de-sacs of Lowdham regarding the most extraordinary news story of the season so far about the latest shocking developments from Nottinghamshire’s oldest pool league, the Calverton & Arnold District Pool League est. 1978, that are sure to send shockwaves around the pool captain fraternity for miles around.

Ballsmania News, always first with the BIG stories can exclusively reveal that the Railway Volunteers captain, Trev “Honest” Chambers was executed by firing squad, at dawn on Sunday morning, following a sentence of death that was handed down by Hanging Judge Coates after Honest Trev was found guilty of a heinous crime at the trial of the season last week.

Whilst we appreciate this may come as a bit of a surprise to many players in the league, those who regularly frequent the forum will be fully aware of the proceedings and would probably know that this outcome was always on the cards. As our top investigative journalist I have decided to uncover the absolute truth behind the story in order to try to bring about some semblance of normality to the situation.

It all started last Tuesday, on a warm summer’s evening, on a train bound for nowhere, I met up with the Gambler . . . whoops, apologies for that, Les Saxton just walked in the office and I lost my thread. Anyway, back to the night in question, where Railway Volunteers had travelled to the Major Oak and found themselves up against it at 4-2 down at the halfway stage, following two pairs wins for the Oak and a win for the recent star of Channel 4’s Countdown programme, the ever popular Matt Coates, who’s personality truly makes sense of the descrïption, “only a mother could love it”, after Steve Hobster finally succumbed. Hobbo now realises you can’t give Matt five shots at the black and still expect to win. The other win was for veteran, Trevor Kirby, who, despite his advancing years, must be a newcomer to Notts pool, as no-one has ever heard of him and he celebrated his first ever win over a player of any sort of calibre, with a large degree of surprise, a feeling that was replicated by his team-mates, one of which was heard to comment, “Does he play for us? What is his name?”

The next frame saw current county junior star, Adam Anderson up against ex county ladies starlet, Claire Moore and this game proved to be the last one that Honest Trev will ever referee. Apparently the disgraceful events unfolded thus; Adam played a surprising thin clip shot at one end of the table, whilst the ref was at the other end expecting him to lay a snooker down there and the ref, unsure as to whether the ball had reached the cushion and hearing the usual rumblings in the crowd, looked at the reaction of the opposing player as he quickly advanced to view the ball against the cushion. With no reaction from Claire, who was not aware of any foul, the ref looked at Tony Wyatt, a neutral bystander and Chairman of the league, standing very close to the action, who immediately confirmed the ball had not touched the cushion. The ref then called “Sorry that’s a foul, two visits” and the game continued as normal, with Claire winning it with that visit. The incident passed at the time without comment as the whole thing was resolved in a matter of seconds. However this whole episode, unbeknown at the time to the referee in question, was to rapidly lead his deserved demise. The match ended in a well earned 8-4 victory for Major Oak and Honest Trev shook hands and congratulated all remaining members of the winning team, little knowing it would be for the final time.

The crime of the century was instantly reported to the pool police and, following a protracted arrest, due to Honest Trev being away in Mauritius, the trial was hastily convened with witnesses for both sides subpoenaed. On the prosecution stand were fine, upstanding members of the pool community such as Matt Coates, who despite a ridiculously long list of previous offences himself, was surprisingly allowed to act as prosecutor, witness and judge, Honest Trev’s best mate, Macky, whoever he is, Ady Newman, who as usual had nothing better to do so thought he would join in, Andy Simpson, who can spot a non-existent foul as expertly as he can spot a non-existent television and Trev Kirby, who had to keep getting his ID out to show everyone present as no-one recognised him and wondered what he had to do with matters of a pool nature. Appearing for the defence were such a list of unpopular low-lifes and bounders, that the Notts pool world baulks at ever having the misfortune of calling them their own, including Big Brother Gregory, Tony’s Wyatt and McDonald, Boring Blackshaw, Garry Sherwood, Darren Petch and the Major Oak’s very own, present at the time, Macca.

The trial itself did not take long and once all the evidence was heard, including complaints that the Ballsmania report, compiled by the accused should not try to entertain in any way, there could only be one possible outcome. So watch out all you potential refereeing volunteers out there, think twice about putting your hand up unless you are a paid professional, to do so should carry a government health warning.

Don’t miss next week’s undercover report into Matt’s recent appearance on Countdown, where we investigate the outrageous story that the conundrum he had to identify only contained eight letters.

Haha that report was borderline 'saddo' territory but made me laugh.
I really don't know how this has blown completely out of proportion. It was pretty much nothing and as Matt said he only wrote Trev 'I don't cheat' (Yea right!) Chambers or something similar and everyone jumped on it like it was a blatant accusation.
Chill pills all round for everyone please.

What a shite ballamania this week!!!
Everyone thinks your either a cheat or just by far the worst ref in the country,its common knowledge Trev! You mention certain people getting on the band wagon and posting anti Trev posts and you go on to name them...mmm...i think your talking about a large section of the forum users, the only reason the rest of the pool fraternity don't use the site is because your on it!!
Just my opinion though,i could be wrong,but that is highly unlikely as i am rarely wrong.
I think the only thing (well there are two things)you can do

(1)  Just completely stop reffing and do us all apart from your mates who don't get dodgy decisions against them a huge favour
                           OR
(2) Just FCUK right off and do us all apart from your mates who don't have dodgy decisions against them a huge favour

     now have yourself a fabulous evening Mr a presumed the ball was frozen,ooh too close to call,it definitely hit a cushion i saw it whilst watching TV,not a foul snooker(when blatantly is),time foul(45 seconds in),your sleeve touched the black whilst wearing a vest top etc etc etc etc etc......

i agree about the shite write up...ady.this geezer doesnt know when to call it a day.well not where im concerned anyway.i am not a puppet 4 his slander so if you want it in writing mr chairman of the league ...before something serious happens one dark night in gaythorpe...stop the shit bout me boy or else...and trust me i wont be saying it again.

Quote :

andytheeagle wrote : i agree about the shite write up...ady.this geezer doesnt know when to call it a day.well not where im concerned anyway.i am not a puppet 4 his slander so if you want it in writing mr chairman of the league ...before something serious happens one dark night in gaythorpe...stop the shit bout me boy or else...and trust me i wont be saying it again.

i am better at pool than you trevor...how about puttin your money where your mouth is duck????

Another entertaining piece of reporting, and as usual the highlight of Ballsmania!!!

funny as fu*k Trev and if people cant see its tongue in cheak then they need to get out more. Far more entertaining than a drap match report listing who won and who lost like other leagues , not mantioning any names lol

Whats sad about this whole episode is that the foul was missed ( for 5 seconds )agreed. But if the 2 players in question didnt spot it and it was called after Tony spotted it. Where in gods name is the problem?
Matt makes a comment and all and sundry get involved that wernt even there so cant possibly have an opinion about it. They all do howewver get involved and a witch hunt is organised from the depths of Arnold and within a week Trev has been EXECUTED where will it all end boys and girls lol

Try not to lose too much sleep about it Trev lol

I hope no one else misses a foul this week in any league or there could be big trouble if this is anything to go by.  

--Last edited by pauli on 2009-09-22 10:22:44 --

It was poor referreeing though  ;) lol (and i was there)

At the end of the day lads we are here to talk about pool,play pool and hopefully enjoy a game or two, not to rip each other to bits, Trevs report is tongue in cheek, if you dont ever want to be mentioned in Ballsmania again i'm sure Trev will honour your request.
Should make for an interesting game tonight Match of the week at the Railway.

Al Gregory

Unfortunately Al the forum doesnt seem to be used for that anymore hense the reason nobody bothers posting now... too much bullsh*t, personal attacks, and very little about pool. The previous C&ADPL thread showed that as it was like a pack of dogs attacking, which is very easy online but very sad when the person wasnt there to defend himself as was on holiday.

Ok I will amend the post slightly .. "and very little about promoting pool in our leagues".

PS Ill post on which ever section takes my fancy as have played in all leagues at some point. Unless it is not allowed anymore ?

For an outsider looking in at some of these threads, in all sections Nottinghamshire must look like a bit of a mess and we are all to blame. Maybe thats why very few come on here now to post.

Over and out !

dont honestly remember that but to be fair I struggle to remember what happened last week lol

ALternative to banning non members would be to not fall out and all be friends ?     lol